your personal jesus

 There's three things in this world that I'm living for.  Gerard.  Brendon...and the tiny lifeform growing inside of him.  If it weren't for those three, even though one cannot even live without the aid of the one he or she grows inside of--I would be dead.  I saw it early on--my love for the two boys growing.  Both happened unexpectedly, yet I could not deny my feelings for them.  Still, knowing how I felt did nothing to ease the pain I was feeling.  I tried to give both equal attention and do my job as I saw it, but no matter what I did, I still ended up hurting one of them.  Each suffered from jealousy and in seeing them suffer, so did I.  My heart couldn't handle it.  That once trustworthy muscle in my chest rattled and broke.  I came home from the hospital today.  Brendon hasn't been looking well lately.  He keeps getting sick and that worries me.  My babies need to be in good health.  
Some may criticize the situation we're in but...I love my boys and I always will.  I don't care what anybody else has to say about it.  They are my angels in disguise.

 I just moved from New York City.  Had to get away from the area.  Had to escape reality for a while.  I didn't bother telling anyone, which I half-regret.  I'm just looking for fun.  For things my ex-wife couldn't give me.  Well...ex-wives.  I've been married three times.  Recently I've started to see...well, male prostitutes as well as females.  I'm not saying I'm gay...maybe just open to the experience.  I'm not sure what to write here, so it's mainly random thoughts.  Mundane ones.  What did I do today...got up, showered, drank a cup of coffee.  Black with one Sweet n' Low.  Jogged in the park.  Played the keyboards.  Went out for lunch.  Worked part-time.  Piano lessons.  After a lesson it's hard to going to the streets to find what I want.  After teaching some young, innocent kid, after seeing them look up at me as a role model?  If their parent's only knew I could be found in back alleys, paying for that twinkish boy to drop to his knees for me.  If they only knew...if anybody knew...